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My Life in Rhode Island - A Play in Three Acts

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Characters:

Me, Age 36
My Mother, Age 60
My Father, Age 65
My Middle Sister, Age 32
  Her Children:
    Nephew, Age 6
    Niece #1, Age 32 months
My Youngest Sister, Age 29
  Her Children:
    Niece #2, Age 27 months
    Niece #3, Age 8 months

Act I

Setting: Living room. Monday night, 9:30 pm.

Nephew has been diganosed with pneumonia and a double ear infection and is confined to the house for the next couple of days. Middle Sister is taking the day off of work to stay home with him, but still wants Niece #1 to go to preschool for the day. Middle Sister lives three streets away from our parents. Youngest Sister lives across the street from our parents.

Middle Sister: (via text) Can someone take Niece #1 to school for me tomorrow? I don't want to take Nephew out of the house.
Me: (via text) I'll do it.
Me: (to my parents) I have to take Niece #1 to school tomorrow.
My Father: (instantly concerned) Whose car are you taking? [sidenote: my car is in the Nashville Park 'n' Fly, waiting for me to fly back down]
Me: ...Can't I take yours?
My Father: I have to go to work for 8:30 tomorrow, and that's what time Niece #1 starts school.
My Mother: Well, can you drop Niece #1 off on your way?
My Father: (heavy sigh) I don't really want to. I guess I will if I absolutely have to.
Me: It's fine, I'll text Youngest Sister and see if I can borrow her car.
My Father: No, you know what? Take my car, I won't go in until 9.
Me: Oh, okay. Are you sure?
My Father: Yeah, it's fine.


Act II

Setting: Dining room. Tuesday morning, 8 am.

I am putting my coat on.

My Father: Whose car are you taking?
Me: ...What? I thought I was taking yours.
My Father: I have to get to work for 9.
Me: Yeah, so I thought I was going to take Niece #1--
My Father: You won't be back in time for me to leave.
Me: (blank, because I know that last night we had a completely different conversation about this)
My Father: Okay, you can take my car, but you need to rush right back here.
Me: No, this is stressful. It takes me a while to get the kids in and out of the car when I'm in charge, and I was going to stop at Dunkin' on my way back. I'll just borrow Youngest Sister's car.
My Father: I didn't know you wanted to take my car.
Me: I thought that's what you said last night.
My Father: No.
Me: (calling Youngest Sister) Can I borrow your car?


Act III

Setting: Dining room. Tuesday morning, 9:30 am.

I am eating my blueberry muffin and sipping my iced tea.

The phone rings.

It is Middle Sister.

Me: Hello?
Middle Sister: What did you get at Dunkin'?
Me: A blueberry muffin. Why?
Middle Sister: Oh. I thought maybe I had your meal and you had mine.
Me: Why, what did they give you?
Middle Sister: A sausage egg and cheese sandwich.
Me: (sigh) I ordered a heated coffee roll, I swear. They gave it to me all wrapped up, but it was round so I assumed it was right.
Middle Sister: It's fine, I'll just eat it. I just didn't know if it was yours.
Me: How is Nephew?
Middle Sister: Drinking Gatorade. What are you going to do today?
Me: Work. First I have to take a shower because I didn't take one before going to get Niece #1.
Middle Sister: Okay, I'll talk to you later.
Me: Bye.

(two minutes later)

The phone rings.

It is Middle Sister.

Me: Hello?
Middle Sister: EGT!
Me: (alarmed) What's the matter?
Middle Sister: You are not going to believe what Niece #1's teachers just called to tell me!
Me: Oh, no, what did I do wrong dropping her off?
Middle Sister: No, it's not you. They say she's so sick she's laying down falling asleep, she won't even play.
Me: ...What? She was fine in the car. We sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABCs the whole way up.
Middle Sister: I know! I said that to them! I said she was fine all morning, ate breakfast, ran around singing. Anyway, someone has to go back to get her. Do you want me to go?
Me: No, you can't bring Nephew out.
Middle Sister: I know, but I feel bad making you go again. Do you want to come over here and watch Nephew?
Me: No, because if I get sick and then Dad gets sick I will never hear the end of it. Can't Youngest Sister go? Call her and tell her I'm too embarrassed to go.
Middle Sister: (laughing) Okay.

(two minutes later)

The phone rings.

It is Middle Sister.

Me: Hello?
Middle Sister: Youngest Sister just poured a bowl of cereal and is sitting down to work. She says you shouldn't be embarrassed.
Me: (sigh) Fine. I will go.
Middle Sister: Can you stop at Dunkin' and get me a heated coffee roll, too?
Me: Yes.
(hangs up phone)
Youngest Sister: (via text) Don't be embarrassed! Tell the teachers she was fine when you dropped her off!
Me: (via text) It is not even ten o'clock and this day is already ridiculous. Also, I need your car again.

(Denouement: Pretty sure Niece #1 is fine. She just wanted to hang out with her mommy and older brother all day. Because she smiled brilliantly as soon as she saw me, and we once again had to sing the whole way home, and she just kept saying "Me, and Mommy, and Deedee [her name for her brother]" so happy and thrilled, and ran right into her mommy's arms when I dropped her off. I ended up not having to get another coffee roll because my sister ended up eating the egg sandwich because she was too hungry to wait. I have left out of this story the part where there were two cop cars, a fire engine, and an ambulance parked around the corner from my parents' house, blocking the whole street. Also the part where I came home to find two other cop cars in a different location searching someone's house. Also the part where I have to let a repairman in between 11 and 1 today, so I had to rush to take a shower when I got back.

I am now showered. The repairman has just arrived.

I have not done a single minute of work.)

The end. 
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On January 17th, 2017 04:30 pm (UTC), rereader commented:
...Do you ever have the feeling you've wandered into a sitcom?
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On January 24th, 2017 04:48 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
YES! All the time!!
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On January 17th, 2017 05:05 pm (UTC), brunettepet commented:
What a brilliant comedy. Too bad it's your real life.
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On January 24th, 2017 04:47 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
Ha!
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On January 17th, 2017 07:17 pm (UTC), rifleman_s commented:
As I often say, "you couldn't make it up"!!

Hope your Nephew will be on the mend soon.
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On January 24th, 2017 04:38 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
He luckily got better very quickly, thank you!
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On January 17th, 2017 07:25 pm (UTC), lauand commented:
I have watched Comedies of Errors with less comedy and less errors than this.
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On January 24th, 2017 04:37 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
Ahahahah, I love this comment!
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On January 17th, 2017 07:59 pm (UTC), wickedgillie commented:
Truth is stranger than fiction. Lordy, what a day.
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On January 24th, 2017 04:37 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
Seriously!
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On January 17th, 2017 08:10 pm (UTC), amorette commented:
Hi new friiiiiend *glomps!*

Is your family Greek? Because mine is, and we also live basically one on top of the other. Haha! Three streets over is pushing the acceptable distance radius LOLOL

Also, this story left me craving a heated coffee roll.
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On January 24th, 2017 04:36 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
Hello!

And my family is Portuguese, not Greek, but we've been asked that before! I guess they're geographically close enough. ;-) My mother keeps pestering my middle sister to move to our street properly!
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On January 17th, 2017 08:35 pm (UTC), chocolamousse commented:
But you didn't tell us about the most important part: is the repairman a Hot British Guy? :D
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On January 24th, 2017 04:35 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
lololol, no, alas, he was not!
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On January 17th, 2017 08:57 pm (UTC), xebgoc commented:
your family is crazypants! in a good way. not like mine, which is crazypants in a not-good way (3 Phds in psychology kind of not-good...)

You make me laugh til it hurts...
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On January 24th, 2017 04:28 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
That is exactly my goal! So yay!
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On January 17th, 2017 11:19 pm (UTC), postynotedreams commented:
Yes, that's pretty much how things go for me, too.
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On January 24th, 2017 04:27 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
lol
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On January 18th, 2017 12:33 am (UTC), lauramcewan commented:
I regret to inform you, this is what a parent's life of multiple children is often like. Sometimes all I could do was laugh.
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On January 24th, 2017 04:26 am (UTC), earlgreytea68 replied:
It's just that I am not a parent, lol!
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On January 24th, 2017 04:30 am (UTC), lauramcewan replied:
Oh, I realize that. You've had a taste though. ;-)
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